70 Thoughts I Had While Watching the Original Gladiator for the First Time
4 min readApr 24, 2025
- I can instantly tell that’s Russell Crowe’s hand. There’s just something about it haha.
- Okay we’re starting with dark German forest vibes? I was expecting a sunny Colosseum.
- SO MUCH tension already.
- “At my signal, unleash hell.” Alright then, Mr. Crowe. I’m listening.
- They’ve got quite the budget if they’re throwing flaming catapult balls!
- Is this battle fog CGI or some kind of mist machine or all natural? I want to know.
- Joaquin Phoenix looks so young!
- Ooooh, I’ve heard about this role of his. Can’t wait for the unhinged Joker to play an unhinged emperor.
- But it looks like he’s not emperor (yet), which means some MAJOR power shifts are about to happen.
- The father-son vibes are off.
- Why does Joaquin already look like he’s plotting something terrible?
- There’s a lot of dad trauma to unpack here, and I just know Commodus isn’t going to unpack anything.
- He actually did it? HE KILLED HIM? Off-screen?! The audacity!
- My dude, I think saying “the emperor needs you” to Maximus right now is a tad bit misleading, right?
- “Your emperor asks for your loyalty, Maximus.” = “Maximus, you’re in daaangerrrrr.”
- I can feel Maximus’s deep desire to throw a punch right now.
- “Your family will meet you in the afterlife.” Um. What? Sir?
- NOOOOOOO HIS FAMILY :(
- I’ve definitely heard Russell Crowe talk about this iconic scene.
- Wait, we’re in slave market territory now??? How much trauma can one man endure??
- This is a whole change of scenery. I didn’t expect to see Africa in Gladiator. And we haven’t seen the Colosseum even once so far.
- Maximus is all “I don’t want to fight,” but the movie title suggests otherwise :o
- His first arena fight is in like, a sad dust pit with a rusty sword. My favorite Roman general deserves better pomp and circumstance than THIS.
- That shot of him standing in the arena with blood on his face… Okay. I get it now. And I’m here for it.
- THERE’S the Colosseum. Wow, Rome looked so grand back then.
- Our sassy new emperor is already throwing some shade at Falco and the extras.
- Commodus is in his Roman fashion influencer era. That armour is saying Pinterest gladiator.
- And that sword-holding pose? The evil emperor ate, I fear.
- Lucilla is serving eye contact and concern. That’s pretty much her whole role so far.
- Maximus in full gladiator gear is like Roman Bathman (okay, I’ll stop) .
- “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!” OH. THAT’S FROM THIS. Culture just happened to me.
- Love a good trauma bonding moment between two bros.
- I also love that shade of dusty blue on them. Very chic. I’d love that for my bedroom wallpaper, honestly!|
- But actually, what they’re saying is super sad. So sad that I’m focusing on the colour of the clothing instead.
- Geez. Commodus is one creepy dude. Lucilla’s son isn’t going to know a moment of true peace in that household.
- Hold up! Did Lucilla just put poison in Commodus’s drink?
- The vibes are off. The sibling vibes are off.
- Yep, there it is. At least Lucilla rejected him. But I wonder how that’ll turn out for her…
- Commodus is such an attention hog. He just HAS to get in on the action by coming down to the arena floor.
- Him hugging Lucius is giving me the ick. Commodus, though, not Joaquin Phoenix. Joaquin, you’re doing SUCH a good job!
- Lucilla is watching this all like she’s at the movies.
- “My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius…” THE MONOLOGUE. THE POWER.
- Maximus just crossed the Rubicon, huh?
- Commodus looks like he’s about to cry and then murder everyone. In that order.
- The emperor is unraveling like a poorly wrapped toga.
- On that note, what is Lucilla wearing? It’s a weird sash thing wrapped around her whole body. I’ve never seen anything like it before. Is this historically accurate?
- I don’t know what game they’re playing with that cobra, but… “It’s a dangerous game, such a dangerous gameeee.” (Jekyll & Hyde? Any fans of the musical here?)
- Yoooo! The boys are serving my new favourite shade of blue again!
- Tigris? All I can think about when I hear that name is The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes.
- Actually, the eyebrows of the guy who was just speaking give MAJOR Hunger Games Capitol vibes.
- Poor animals, man.
- Here’s another Lucilla and Commodus tête-à-tête! The vibes are still off. The vibes are still off.
- Ummm… What’s happening?
- Did he just go to SLEEP or something? Did Lucilla actually sedate him?
- Lucilla doing everything she can to help but also not die = tightrope act of the century.
- Poor boy knows nothing of what’s going on.
- Young Joaquin Phoenix is acting the HECK out of this role. I’ve got chills.
- Lucilla is the most emotionally exhausted woman in Rome.
- Commodus just called this man his brother, stabbed him, and then kissed him. What a mad lad.
- Also, what a CHEATING COWARD!!!
- Huh. Strangely short and choppy slo-mo shot that looks like a mistake tbh.
- Maximus is being dragged into a final battle half-dead.
- Maximus STILL manages to kill him WITH A DAGGER TO THE THROAT.
- It’s happening… Maximus is falling. I guess this was inevitable after that deep stab. I’m actually surprised he lasted this long.
- Lisa Gerrard’s ethereal vocals are really enhancing this scene.
- Maximus dying free is honestly such a good way to end this, even though it hurts.
- I didn’t expect his friend to last longer than him.
- And burying the figurines along with Maximus? STOP IT I’M CRYING.
- It just hit me that we unearth ancient graves like this in the present day and find little things like those figurines. Really makes you think about all the different lives people have lived.
- Honestly, Russell Crowe really gave a top-tier performance and dirt-smudged cheekbones. What more could a girl want?!
